Many of you, especially upper campus residents, may have heard of the recently-announced — and then recently delayed — game of Gotcha happening on campus. Or, maybe you haven’t. Gotcha is a game of secrecy and subterfuge, so if you haven’t heard of it, you’re not in danger — yet.
For the uninitiated, Gotcha is a game where participants are given the name of another player: their “target.” The goal is to take out your target with a squirt gun and avoid being taken out yourself. The last one standing is the winner.
Rumors began circling last Thursday that this game had regretfully been canceled. Here at the Capstone, we recognize the severe importance of this monumental event, so we hired a small army of private investigators and investigative journalists to look into these terrible rumors.
The result of their intensive study was that the “COVID-19 issues” cited as the reason for the cancellation were a complete farce. In fact, the game of Gotcha is still scheduled to begin any day now! Every student, even if they had not originally signed up, should watch their backs for the dreaded squirt gun. Participation is automatic and mandatory.
And for those who did sign up — the only advice we can give is to sleep with one eye open and never stop looking over your shoulder. Those hunting for you could be anyone or anywhere. If you’ve noticed glowing eyes following you on campus at night, you have already lost.
A mysterious someone is very determined to win this game; they sent out that false information to throw off their competition in a skilled and cunning move. Keep your hand on your squirt gun at all times to have a fighting chance. The cold sweat you woke up drenched in this morning was their warning shot.
Our investigators have yet to uncover the true identity of this elusive individual. With the team’s valiant collective efforts, however, they were able to backtrack the source of the false Gotcha cancelation emails to Scott Lisea’s computer. The email was sent while he was filming for chapel, though, so the culprit remains anonymous. Traces of reddish dog hair were found on Scott’s keyboard, leaving our Capstone sleuths stumped.
Keep safe and socially distanced to better dodge the water guns, and keep your ears open for the sound of the hunt. Finally, from everyone here at the Capstone: good luck!