Beloved Westmont, I hope you all enjoyed this past Parents’ Weekend. To be honest, my weekend was rather bitter, as Holly Beers did not respond to my letter asking her to substitute as my father for the First Year Parents weekend, as my actual dad was on vacation, but I digress. As I was observing parents walk across the campus they so lovingly pay for, I noticed confusion on many of their faces. I soon realized the sources of befuddlement were the terms and phrases they were hearing among students, terms and phrases that are foreign to all other people on the planet except Westmont students. I, your friendly neighborhood linguistics expert, have broken down some of the most common terms and phrases heard on campus. So the next time your parents visit you, the only thing they’ll be confused about is the $11 lunch they have to pay for in addition to your tuition.
Hecka /hekə/ A measurement of something. often used when describing the religiously correct amount of exhaustion, because “h-e-double-hockey-sticks-a” is too close to saying the actual name of the bad place. Example: “My dude, going to the twelve different Bible study groups I signed up for to impress my Westmont Wow is making me hecka tired.”
Adulting /əˈdəltiNG/ The action of behaving like actual adults. An outdated term that nobody outside Westmont uses anymore. Often used when one wants to pat themselves on the back for accomplishing a necessary, practical life task. Example: “I went to the Health Center by myself, without my mother reminding me the appointment time she had scheduled, and they didn’t give me a sticker after. Adulting is so brutal sometimes.”
Indie /ˈindē/ A meeting between two Westmont students where one is romantically interested in the other. Traditionally occurs in the Dining Commons or at Turtle Pond. Example: “So, I took her out on an indie today. I didn’t want to ask her on a date off campus, because that would obviously mean that I’m ready to marry her and I’ve only been praying about how many kids I should have with her for six days.”
I love doing life with “them,” “him,” or “her” /ˈdo͞oiNG līf wiTH T͟Hem/ An expression of endearment. often used by one person to describe their relationship with another person, such as a roommate, a stranger, a professor, or Pascual. “Life” in this context means anything from standing in the same line at Vons to passing one another on campus because that is, in fact, the totality of life. Example: “I sat on the shuttle with him for a full twelve minutes and we spoke two sentences to each other. I love doing life with him.”