New Westmont edition proverbs


Ella Jennings

The blessing of Westmont’s Holy Word

Ian Lowry, Staff Writer

As Religious Studies courses pick up with the beginning of the semester, a new initiative by the Campus Pastor’s Office for a Westmont Edition Bible has finally been announced. One of the chapters released in a preview is Second Proverbs, an entirely new book of proverbs catered to all Westmont students in the classic formula: “ The Wise does ___, while the foolish does ____.” or “They who do ___ has this happen, while those who ___ has this happen instead.” or “The Father loves his children who do ___.” Since this edition is still a work in progress, more and more ideas for new proverbs are being brought to the table. Here at the Capstone, we have decided to compile a list of our favorite quotes from faculty and students.

“Those that seek knowledge appear in office hours, while the foolish appear to be lost in class,” -Every single professor on campus

“The foolish take 70 units, while the wise are humanities majors,” -A physics major

“They who show up to the DC early will always get the best food, but those who wait are destined to go hungry,” -The person who doesn’t have classes at lunch

“The Father loves all, but He still sees when you use SparkNotes,” -Augustinian professors

“They who fear their RA are those who keep locking themselves out of their room,” -The RA’s

“The wise obtain their ring before spring, while the foolish visit the Define The Relationship Pond and realize they aren’t mature enough for marriage yet,” -Those still obsessed with their “Westmont wow”

“Those who try to be on time for the shuttle don’t understand how it works,” -Those that go to the beach every weekend

“Blessed are those that see Prince Harry running at the track,” -That lucky person who saw him

“The Father loves praise, but he really starts vibing once his Sons and Daughters sing Waymaker,” -The Chapel Band

“Ruff, growl, bark,” -Henri (Translation: Those who do not rub my tummy are those that don’t understand what a good boy I am)

“Those who attend classes at the top of campus are those with the best legs by the end of the year.” -The Hills of Westmont

“The ultimate test of faith is giving AC to some and seeing if they’ll share it with others.” – The people without AC

“Those who participate in CAPAX DEI, Student Leadership, 23 units and at least eight clubs, will be the best at balancing their time,” –The Overachievers

And this new proverb is just a sliver of what is being considered for the new Westmont Edition Bible. Stay tuned for other editions, including the new Gospel ‘Beebe’, the new set of letters written by Scott Lisea to his grandchild Jones and a personal favorite, the new apocalypse writing ‘Henri’.  The last of this is still being translated from dog language, and it has been reported that the translators have had to attend multiple CAPS meetings after attempting it.

As with the rest of the work-in-progress Westmont Edition Bible, everything comes from input from the staff and students, and we here at the Capstone would love to see what proverbs you’d like to read by commenting them down below. So give us some biblical advice, we dare you!

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