The laser lawsuit

Court+meeting+to+come+soon+considering+the+laser+lawsuit.

Ella Jennings

Court meeting to come soon considering the laser lawsuit.

Josiah Stice, Staff Writer

The Westmont student body has filed a class action lawsuit against Campus Pastor Scott Lisea and Worship Leader Eben Drost, citing their use of lasers to maintain order in chapel as psychologically demoralizing and physically harmful misbehavior deterrents. The political science major acting as lawyer for the case remarked, “I mean, those green lasers are supposed to be able to shoot down airplanes and cut through prison bars like in heist movies.”

The lawsuit was initiated by the Westmont Atheism Club (or WAC, for short) after a first-year, Andrew Anthony, was blinded in both eyes by the deathray in question. The shot, allegedly, was a misfire intended to reprimand Em Clifford, who was caught taking notes to bring to her theology class while Pastor Scott delivered a sermon. 

In an interview with Mr. Anthony on Oct. 28, he declared: “The heat of the laser against my bleary irises ignited a spark that would light a fire, a fire that could burn an institution to the ground.” 

Indeed, chapel was cut off early that day when the fire alarm forced everyone to evacuate. It turns out, the reflection of the laser off of Mr. Anthony’s glasses burned a small hole in the ceiling of the gym. Scott Lisea later announced that “damages were minimal, so chapel will continue as normal on Friday.”

Another student involved with WAC and the lawsuit shared their experiences with the chapel laser. “I was sitting behind the stage with my friends, in that area of the bleachers which is now closed off. I was disconnected from the happenings onstage, not because my heart had hardened to worship but because Pastor Scott was obscured from my view by a nine-foot-tall model cross.” 

They continued, “All of a sudden, my phone started ringing. I pulled it out to turn the blaring alarm off, but I fumbled with the small object. In the time it took for me to turn off the device, everyone sitting around me was glancing towards me with annoyance. 

There was a pause, and a single tear. “I don’t remember much of what happened next. A green light struck my chest, and across the way the silhouette of Eben Drost aimed at me with menace. The rest of my day was marred by shame, an air of despondence permeating my every move.”

The class action laser lawsuit will go to court this Friday. The hearing will take place in the Kerrwood Hall basement, with a post-settlement dessert reception held in President Beebe’s office. Attendees will be required to use a chapel skip.

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