Origins Unknown

Jacob Francis, Biology Participant

Disclaimer: Though we at Capstone do not believe that the COVID-19 outbreak is a matter to be taken lightly and the tragedies that have resulted from it cannot be overstated, our mission is to bring an ounce of levity to our audience amid this trying time. 

 

Amid the crisis of Coronavirus it’s difficult to look back and question, how did this all start? In the world of modern medicine, the terrifying truth of the COVID-19 virus is that it is likely to have been man-made (despite the scientists claiming otherwise). If indeed this virus was engineered, the question is, who stands to gain? According to online chat forums, many postulate that the Chinese government released the virus themselves. This is however the easy answer, and the truth is likely much more heinous. As we look deeper down the rabbit hole of organizations, we find that motive, means, and opportunity abound. There are four explanations for how the novel Coronavirus started, all of which hold some probability. 

First, COVID-19 was engineered and distributed by toilet paper and hand sanitizer companies looking to make a killer profit. Hand sanitizers actively leave 0.01% of germs alive to further business, who’s to say they haven’t started engineering their own. 

A second culprit is Donald Trump’s cabinet. After a prolonged trade war with China, the administration may have harbored enmity towards the nation. COVID-19, having now become more successful in the US, has also drawn attention away from the democratic candidates. 

Though they must remain anonymous, there are students at Westmont who have found COVID-19’s appearance a little too convenient. Causing a school-wide shutdown right as diversity talks reached their peak — could COVID-19 indeed be an instrument of oppression? The odds may not be high, but they’re never zero. 

A final alternative view of the incident places blame on senior Westmont students. “They already skip chapel,” an anonymous informant contributed. “Who’s to say they wouldn’t try to skip graduation as well.” As a hardened group accustomed to mudslides and fires, it seems quite possible the seniors developed a pathogen in hopes of making their final year memorable.