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Ella Jennings

What your Ritchie’s drink says about you

Angela Tran, Guest Writer

What does your drink of choice from Ritchie’s Place say about you? *sips tea*

Down by the Global Leadership Center there’s a little Starbucks-meets-junk-food-store where you can grab a tall coffee, order a small pizza, or use your $70 in Flex Dollars to buy 23 bags of potato chips. Whether you’re sitting down with a friend or grabbing a cup between classes, your favorite drink order can say a lot about your personality. What does yours say about you?

  1. Earl Grey tea, steeped for exactly two minutes and 13 seconds: English was your favorite subject in grade school. Now you’re a strong, independent college student who just added a minor and changed their major. Again.
  2. Java chip frappuccino with extra whipped cream: This drink is perfect for the five-year-old at heart who still wants to look cool carrying Starbucks into class. I see you holding back that temper tantrum. It’s okay, same here.
  3. Black coffee, darker than Winter Hall after midnight: You’re planning to graduate in two-and-a-half years. You’re secretly planning to overthrow Dr. Gayle Beebe himself. You know exactly what causes the smell on the bridge behind the DC.
  4. Cup-of-noodles broth: You like sleeping on the couch more than in your own bed. Thank God for your friend who has let you mooch off their Netflix account for the past year!
  5. Ketchup: Red, like the blood of your enemies. You write off-kilter poetry while listening to heavy metal rock music.
  6. Coffee creamer: You didn’t even get it from Ritchie’s. You took it from the nearest Denny’s. Give it back.
  7. Grande brown sugar and cinnamon shaken espresso with oat milk: You’re a self-aware micromanager. I see that drawer full of notecards and highlighters in RoyGBiv order. Keep repeating those mantras! You’re almost done with the 17th item on your to-do list!
  8. Bagel: … dude, really??
  9. Monster energy drink: Hey, you have friends. We want to hold an intervention. Please let us help. Red Bull is so much better.
  10. Red Bull energy drink: Hey, you have friends. We want to hold an intervention for you. Please let us help. Monster is so much better.
  11. Organic Brew Dr. “Clear Mind” Kombucha: Your sense of style is beloved by everyone except people without taste. Who needs their approval anyway? Certainly not you, who switches between absurd confidence and crippling self-depreciation on a daily basis.
  12. Room temperature water: You’re actually Henri Nowen, Pastor Scott’s dog. Who’s a good boy?!

Don’t forget to subscribe, and comment down below what your favorite Ritchie’s beverage is!

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